When did I Become a Creep?

I got a gym membership. I lift weights now. I know, you’re in awe and beyond impressed. I won’t flex for you, because 1) I don’t want to ruin this shirt, and 2) I don’t want to care for you after you pass out.

Anyway, yesterday at the gym this weird thing happened. I was running on my treadmill, minding my business, when this super gorgeous butch woman jumped on the treadmill directly in front of me… And this is what happened in my head:

Maybe, just maybe, I stayed on the treadmill for longer than my usual time (don’t judge me). Then I went to lift some weights, but I made sure to use the bench and machines with a direct shot of her treadmill. So, I’m doing some lat pulldowns, listening to Fetty (because I’m super cool and butch), enjoying my view, then I had this moment… I was like, “Oh my God, am I being a skeevey dude right now?” I remember working out as an undergrad and feeling creepy man eyes watching me on the elliptical from the weight area. I’m the creepy eyes in the weight area! When did I become a creep?! Am I objectifying her? If a dude did this to me, how would I feel?

I texted one of my lesbian gurus who assured me that I was, in fact, a TOTAL creep. Well, she said I was “kinda a horn dog,” but encouraged me to drop my digits to the cute butch woman. I’m a total wuss, so there was NO chance I was going to talk to this woman. I just wanted to enjoy watching her work out (oh my gosh, 100% creep).

I had never felt creepy like this before, because I rarely checked out men, and I wouldn’t have worried about objectifying men. After all, women are objectified everywhere we turn, so a dude being objectified for a brief moment just didn’t seem like a huge problem. Now that I’m checking out women—nay, now that I’m consciously checking out women, I need to be better about my wandering creeper eyes. To the cute butch woman at the gym: I’m sorry I eye fucked you on the treadmill. Let me buy you a drink as an apology?