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Saturday, April 21, 2018


I went on yet another first date last week. When I arrived she seemed really nervous. After chatting for a few minutes, she said, “I feel like I should tell you that I don’t really know what I am. You said you’re a lesbian, but I’m not really sure that I am. Maybe I’m bisexual? I really don’t know. I feel obligated to tell you, because I don’t want to waste your time.”

First of all, kudos to this woman for being so honest and straightforward. I really appreciated her openness. I asked her if I was her first girl date and she responded, “Well, technically no, but my first girl date was only a few days ago, and this is my second.” We then commiserated about how stressful and confusing the figuring it out phase can be.

Generally, I don’t go on dates with women who are “figuring things out.” Since it took me so long to find the L word, I’d like to find a woman who is at a similar stage with her sexuality. On dating apps, I pretty much swipe left on all women who identify as bicurious, heteroflexible, unicorn-hunters, or indicate that they are “experimenting.” I want a relationship, and I don’t want to waste my time with a clitourist.

My general rule against experimenters is complicated by the fact that I like this woman. Buuuuut, what if I fall in love with her and she’s actually straight? What if we date then she breaks up with me for a man? Worst case scenario, I fall in love with her, we have sex, and this is her reaction:

I don’t want to ruin lesbian sex for a baby dyke. It’s too much pressure! Cashing in lesbian V cards seems like a job for a more seasoned lesbian than yours truly.

After a fun coffee date, we walked toward the exit of the cafe. The moment our feet hit the sidewalk, she practically ran away from me. She said bye while race walking toward her car. This brings me to my final concern; I want to be with someone who is ready to be with me. I want a girlfriend who wants to be with me and isn’t scared of wanting to be with me.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "This whole fucking blog is about your lesbian confusion. One year ago, you were basically this woman you're describing." Fair enough, wise reader. I was her one year ago (I ran away from a few of my first girl dates, too). Because I was her one year ago, I know how much turmoil and growth she has ahead of her. I'm ready for a serious relationship, and I only want to date women who are ready for the same. There's no way I was ready for a relationship when I was in her shoeshence my hesitation.

Since I like her, I’ve decided to schedule a second date, then take it one date at a time. If I continue liking her, I guess we’ll figure out the rest? It could be fun to introduce a baby queer to the joys of lesbianism. ;)

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