Happy Lesbiversary!

Exactly one year ago today, I came out for the first time. It was the first time I used the word “queer” to describe myself. Well, technically, it sounded like this: “I think I’m queer. But, maybe I’m not. Well, I might be? I don’t know. How can I know anything for sure?” It was late afternoon in a café with one of my lesbian gurus. She was super supportive and I left with an answer I already knew, but was terrified to acknowledge—I was *definitely* interested in women.

I left the coffee meeting with some clarity. I was 100% into women and my denial wasn’t going to change the reality. So, I decided to rip the Band-Aid off and tell my dad (he’s actually my ex-boyfriend’s dad, but I call him my dad—see weird relationship with ex-boyfriend post). I called him and told him I went to an LGBT-identified meeting. He responded, “Cool,” then started talking about something else.

Pissed beyond measure, I interrupted him and asked, “Did you hear what I said?! I went to an LGBT-IDENTIFIED meeting!” He just said, “Yeah. Right.” Then I said, “Because I’m LGBT-identified!” He responded, “Yeah, I know you aren’t straight.” He then went on to review the multiple times I told him about ogling over women. In retrospect, it seems bizarre that I thought he didn’t know. Anyway, I was relieved that he was supportive, but also annoyed that I didn’t get this reaction:

I spent the rest of my night crying in my bed alternating between feelings of intense dread and intense pride. I didn’t want to be gay (well, “bisexual”), but I was proud of myself for finally admitting to others that I wasn’t straight.

To celebrate my lesbiversary, I want to take a look at the highlights from my first year queer! Here's my queer year in a nutshell:

I had 9 first dates with women, 1 girlfriend, my first “real” girl kiss (that peck kiss in 7^th grade only sort of counts, right?), and I lost my lesbian virginity. These were some big accomplishments, my friends. *pats myself on the back*

Other big events from my first year queer:

1) I cut off 1.5 feet of hair after I came out:

2) I went to my first pride:

(Fun fact: my first date with a woman was on this day!)

3) I bought my first tie:

I mean, I made it femme saucy, but it was still significant.

This year was both wildly fun and tremendously difficult. I’m proud of myself for my growth and my decision to be a more authentic version of myself. I’m still a confused mess, and I’m still unsure about who I am, but I took some huge steps toward the person I’m supposed to be this year.

*raises beer* Cheers to a year of lezcapades. May many more follow!