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Sunday, March 25, 2018

Cheers to My Ex-Boyfriend

My ex-boyfriend is a gem. Not only does he continue to share his family with me (when I go “home,” I go to his house… like, I spend ALL holidays at his house), but also, he was one of my most supportive friends while I was coming out.

About this time last year, I came out to him on the phone. I told him I went to an LGBT-identified meeting. I confessed, “I’m bisexual.” (Forthcoming: A post about my bisexual detour.) His response was, “I know, ratty.” (Also, we call each other ratty… It started as a pet name, but we still use it. I’m making it sound weird, but trust me, it’s not). Since we had discussed the possibility of me sleeping with women WHILE we were datingwhich he was supportive ofI figured he wouldn’t be totally shocked. Even though I knew he would be supportive, I was really scared to tell him.

I feared my coming out would invalidate the relationship we once had or the love we still had for one another. I knew it didn’t, but I worried he might think it did. I was totally wrong. He was just happy for me. He was happy for me because he loves me and wants me to be happy. What a fucking sweetie, right?

Don’t get me wrong, we had some hiccups after I came out. We had misunderstandings, uncomfortable questions, and shared tears in public spaces (because big fights always happen in public, fyi). Despite the hiccups, at the end of the day, I knew he would always love and support me. In fact, in one of our misunderstandings at a local diner, he criedbecause he had just made me cryand said, “I just want to support you and I’m sorry that I don’t always know how to do that.”

As an apology, we went to Wendy’s for a round of frosties, which we ate while sitting on the hood of my Forester. As we slurped up our frosties, he said, “We’ll figure it out, ratty. Don’t worry. I’ll always be here for you.” While I always knew that, I needed to hear it.  

Admittedly, I wasn’t a very good girlfriend to my ex-boyfriend. I wasn’t in a good place in my life and I couldn’t be the partner he deservedpartly because of the gay thing, but also, partly because I was a general mess. Though I couldn’t be a good girlfriend to him, I’m grateful I have the privilege to be his best friend. And let me tell you, we are really good best friends.  

Find yourself a ratty and hang onto them.  

Love you, ratty. <3

*Me and ratty in our youth*

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