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Thursday, April 26, 2018

Maybe You Aren't Straight?

*Please enjoy the excessive lesbian lovin’ in honor of Lesbian Visibility Day*

When I was 22-years-old, I had a slumber party with my best friend (this is not going where you think it is—sorry). I was crying on Natasha’s couch (her chosen pseudonym) telling her about this woman I was totally in love with. I had confided in Natasha months prior that I wanted to be with this woman—we’ll call her Anne. Anne had blown me off and I was torn up about it. I was sobbing on Natasha’s couch, telling her how much Anne meant to me, and complaining that my romantic feelings for Anne obviously were not reciprocated.

Natasha asked, “So, if Anne wanted to be with you, like have sex with you, you would?” I readily responded, “Oh yeah. In a heartbeat. I’m in love with her.” My friend then patted my back and kindly suggested, “Maybe you aren’t straight?” I automatically responded, “No, I’m straight. It’s just Anne. She’s special.” My response wasn’t defensive, just ignorant.

My patient friend Natasha further suggested, “Well, if you can feel this way with Anne, maybe you could feel this way about another woman?” *Mind blown* Maybe I could feel this way about another woman! Also, did I mention that I had a boyfriend at the time? Yeah, I wasn’t super into him. In fact, I had blown him off on Valentine’s Day, because why would I assume my boyfriend wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with me? Weird.

Natasha had watched me drool over Anne and completely disregard my boyfriend—we’ll call him Paul—for months. I kept telling her I thought I should break up with him. Eventually Natasha asked, “How would you feel if you found out Paul was sleeping with other women?” I scoffed/laughed and said, “I hope he is! That would make this so much easier for me!” Hindsight is 20/20, my friends.

Naturally, I dated Paul for another couple months. In the meantime, I replayed my friend’s question in my head every night. “Maybe you aren’t straight?” Eventually, I found the only logical answer to her question… I was bisexual! In a few more months, I warmed up to the L word.

Natasha - thank you for your friendship, your patience, and your fantastic questions that made my lesbianism visible to myself. You’re amazing and I love you. 

To all my lezzies and lezzie allies, happy Lesbian Visibility Day! 

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