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Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Lesbianism. You're Doing It Wrong.

I went on another date with the woman who is “figuring things out” (see this post to get caught up). She had told me on our first date that she told a few of her friends about her attraction toward women. When we were talking about some of her friends on the second date, I asked her, “Are those the friends you came out to?”

She freaked. She got SUPER defensive and was like, “No. I haven’t come out to anyone because I’m not— I’m not— there isn’t anything to come out about, because I’m not—”

Me: Oh, right. Of course. I meant to say are those the friends you talked to about this. I didn’t mean to say anything about—

Her: Well, there’s nothing to come out about because I’m figuring it out, but I’m not a—


I felt pretty icky after this date. First, she made it sound like lesbianism was a disease. It had clearly taken me as its victim, but there was still hope for her. Second, she was SO defensive about not being a lesbian that I felt like I needed to say: “You know I’m a lesbian, right? Did you want to get out of here so people don’t associate me with you? I don’t think lezzie is contagious, but why take any chances?” <- Obviously, I said this in my head.

Whether she’s gay or not, I don’t think I’ll see her again for one reason: She’s so inconsiderate of other peoples’ feelings. Internalized homophobia? I can deal with it. I have PLENTY of my own. Not understanding your sexuality? Fine. If you’re into me, I’m sure we can work through it together. But telling a self-identified lesbian, “Woah, woah! I’m not a— you know, one of THOSE!” I just can’t deal with that. 

I get not wanting to be gay. I get wishing you were straight. I even think if she had apologized or recognized her insensitivity, I would have moved on. But, come on! After I apologized for upsetting her, she defensively said, “That’s really all I want to talk about that, so let’s just talk about something else.” She seemed angry and was totally oblivious about how she had hurt my feelings. I felt like shit. A pile of lesbian shit, which is apparently worse than regular shit.

Pro Tip: Date women who also want to date women. #reasonsimsingle

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