Chapstick Chapstick

Saturday, February 3, 2018

#NotAllWomen

When I tell women “I’m a lesbian,” sometimes it feels like they hear: “I’m sexually attracted to EVERY woman on this planet! That includes YOU!” When I came out to my female friends, some of them thought I MUST be into them now or at least was when we were younger.

I still get scared coming out to female friends because of the revisionist shit-storm that happens when I tell them. It goes something like this:

Chapstick Femme (CF): Rachel, I’m a lesbian.
Rachel: Omg really? Cool, cool. I’m down with the gays, so you’re all good… Wait, so did you ever have a crush on me?
CF: Hard no. Don’t worry.
Rachel: Oh, okay cool. Waaaaait, remember that time when [fill in super specific incident when I was young that Rachel has now decided was a “lesbian thing”]?
CF: Umm, no, I think I was just eating a tuna melt because I like tuna melts…
Rachel: Oh, okay. So, were you into [insert the name of a mutual female friend]?
CF: I wasn’t into any of our friends. Trust me, I don’t like ANY of you like that.

These situations happen because these women think that when you say, “I like having sex with women,” that you’re actually saying, “I want to have sex with any and all women.” In reality, I’m not even attracted to most women. I’m attracted to about 10% of women, and that’s on a good day.

When I was straight, people didn’t assume I was checking out every man that walked by. Now that I’m openly gay, my female friends think this is how I react to EVERY woman who strolls my way:


Okay, after reading the gym post, you probably think this is how I walk down the street, but I promise I don’t. (Confession: this does happen when a butch or athletic femme woman walks by, but it’s a rare occurrence.)

The weirdest part of these conversations is that these women are always sort of bummed that I’m not sexually attracted to them. I had one friend get upset when I told her she wasn’t my type. She may have even been offended? She was like, “Oh, I’m not your type? Well, who IS your type then?” As if to say, “How dare you not have a crush on me!”

Dear straight women, lesbians aren’t automatically into you because you’re women. That’s not how lesbianism works. If you’re a woman AND you’re wearing a vest, then yes, I’m automatically into you, because that is how lesbianism works. 


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