Taking Chances

I’ve told myself to take more chances this year. Say “yes” to new experiences. Or, as one of my bffs constantly preaches, “Live your BEST life.” I was talking to this woman online for about a month when she asked to fly me to her city. That seemed sort of crazy, so we tabled the idea and kept talking. Eventually, she suggested meeting in New York City (in between us). I thought, “Why the hell not?” I mean, what was the worst that could happen?

Okay, I guess the worst case scenario was pretty dark… but, I decided to take a chance, despite the looming risk of murder.

A few relevant pieces of information about me: 1) I’m generally afraid of cities. Like all cities. The tall buildings are intimidating, navigating is impossible, and city people generally don’t like my kind—rural and confused. 2) I’m scared of meeting people in person for the first time. Going on first dates makes me feel like throwing up. 3) I’m REALLY scared of traveling alone. I had never traveled to a city by myself. When I have visited cities, I went with friends who could navigate and talk me down when I got anxious from the overstimulation.

Needless to say, going to meet a stranger in New York City was TERRIFYING. Since it terrified me, I decided I’d better do it.

Before going, I had extensive FaceTime conversations with this woman about my ground rules, my anxieties about all of the above, and back-up plans in case I chickened out. She was super supportive. She respected my no physical intimacy policy. Like no sex, no kissing, no hand holding, no direct eye contact… okay, I’m exaggerating, but only slightly.

We saw a show on Broadway, got wings and beer, then cuddled and watched a movie before bed. I know, I know, I broke the no touching policy, but it was ONLY cuddles. *pinky promise*

She’s smart, funny, cute, considerate, compassionate, and super into me. But, something was off. Do we not have a spark? Maybe I’m not ready to have a serious relationship so soon after my breakup? I’m scared of getting hurt? Or is it that she just isn’t my ex? I don’t know.

I called things off today. She wanted me to be her girlfriend, but I couldn’t get on board. Despite the ending, I’m really glad I went to the city to meet her. She was pretty cool, and we had a great time. Most importantly, I’m hella proud of myself for taking a chance. *self-five*